Pure Example: Newly Weds are Newly Poor *Jazz Hands*

So it seems that we are not the only ones who can't have shiny, expensive things or lavish lifestyles. As I have sat here, exploring the interweb wilderness while sipping my tea with Jack Daniels (pinky and zipper out, of course), I came across this story of a newly-wedded couple that made my monocle's monocle fall off:

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/829282-newly-wed-couple-smash-130k-ferrari-testarossa-on-way-to-reception

(Mr. Bender's monocle, however, stayed on perfectly as usual.)

For those of you too lazy to click the link (read: all four of us), the article rambles about a bride and groom who decided to head their reception in style, renting a Ferrari Testarossa for an hour (cost: £500, or $738.05 in Freedom Dollars). As they were leaving for their celebration, hoping to stop Uncle Luigi from drinking too much fresh sangria and hitting on his nieces, the groom, probably realizing he would be sleeping with only one hairy woman 4Ever, swerved and crashed the the £130,000 (read: $191,893) exotic horse into a pole. Not such a clever idea anymore, eh Mario?

"That's okay," guy-who-still-hasn't-read-the-damn-article says. "They had it insured, so it will be covered, right?" Well, yes and no, you lazy person. See, the couple did sign over £20,000 ($29,522) as a deposit for insurance on the car; insurers, however, believe the repairs will cost at least £60,000 ($88,566). That's a lot of pizza pies, plus other Italian stereotypes. A good example of the reason why it might be a good idea to get a limo, a driver, or maybe just hoof it to the reception in a $3,000 wedding dress and 4 inch heels. Oh, and they were also charged £50 for damaging the pole, so there's that too.

Now, is this cost something that our two lovebirds will never pay off? Probably not; it's not a colossal number that would make who ever is the Caesar over there quiver or anything. And it could have cost more. This is, however, is just a small example of what we will be preaching and drunkenly discussing here on Nice Things (or should we call it That's Why? That's Nice? Kitty Lasers?). Because sometimes, some things are just to awesome for some people, like a Ferrari Testarossa, or a jet pack that runs on champagne. And with the millions of possibilities out there, we will be here to mock all the things we can't (and probably won't) have in life.

-Thanks to Metro.co.uk for the info

Intro

Money. Everybody needs it, everyone wants it (even the people who say they don't), but not all of us have a shit ton of it. Hence the existence of the concepts of rich versus poor, upper middle class versus poverty, and that guy driving his Porsche to another rich-people orgy versus your mom walking to 7-11 for cigarettes. It's money that drives us to study, work, and fuck.
Every moment of every day, someone somewhere is talking about being rich and its benefits on their lives. People are always asking "hey, what you would do if you had so and so amount of money?" For everyone, money has different names and meanings within their lives: Respect. Power. Hope. A shit load of burgers at Wendy's. There is one meaning, however, that most people never talk about: Batshit Crazy Juice with a side of Fucked Up. And that's where we come in.
Here at "That's Why We Can't Have Nice Things" (twwchnt.blogspot.com), we are a blog dedicated to talking about the crazy possibilities of a life with too much money and too much time. Making lists, discussing specific issues with our psychotic fantasies, talking about actual jackasses who shouldn't have money, and more, we are dedicated to looking for some humor in the rich world while we are barely able to pay our bills. It's all in good fun and laughs, never meant to be malicious; so if this isn't your kind of comedy, we will say we have warned you.